A couple of years ago, I blogged about when Jack (my oldest) turned nine years old, I began to realize how quickly he was growing up and how I used a jar of marbles to keep track of his growth and determine priorities. (read post)

Today, Jack turned 13. This year, the marble jar will be half way empty. It is hard to believe that Jack is a teenager. He is almost as tall as me. He runs faster than me.

Looking back on the day I started the marble ceremony, my life is quite different. My priorities are different. My schedule is different. The marble ceremony has whittled some of the silliness out of my life.

When I first started the marble ceremony, I was running all over the world, I was running a company, I was running off different places to preach in churches. In some ways, I was famous to strangers…and a stranger to the people in my house.

Over the years, I decided that my kids needed me more than they needed a famous dad.

Over the last few years, I sold most of the companies, stopped most of the travel, started a church, and decided to be a stay-at-home Dad.

There have been many changes…for instance, my airline status in no longer top tier “Executive Platinum.” The other day I had to take a trip and did not upgrade automatically.

But to be truthful, missing the meal in first class reminded me that I had been home for weeks of meals around the table with my family. Laughing, learning, and being among my favorite fan club.

That nice hotels and the “Heavenly Bed” at the Westin was not a good trade for playing in the back yard with my kids, and sleeping with my wife.

That watching the news on a Hotel TV at night, is not a good substitute for tucking my kids in, kissing them on their foreheads, and praying over their beds.

The praise of strangers was not the same as the admiration of my own kids.

I don’t spend much time at conferences anymore…but I make it home almost everyday for the family conference.

Days are filled with the mundane…mowing grass, playing catch, listening to piano practice, taking kids to Karate lessons, and the potato cannon.

It still seems unbelievable that he might be out of my house and on his own in another 5 years (I left home for college when I turned 18.)

All in all, the trade was not good for my bottom line if all you value is dollars and frequent flyer miles. But oh the joy of watching a son turn into a man. Of watching a self centered kid turn into a God-centered man. Priceless.



In the last post, we learned that Paul cultivated a sense of thankfulness in his prayers for the church at Colossae. He also celebrated the eternal in their lives, instead of the natural and temporal.

The second part of the prayer (the second long, drawn-out sentence in the Greek, vv. 9-14) is about Paul’s petition. What did the Apostle Paul ask for in the lives of these believers? It’s nothing like most of our prayers sound for others!

9* For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding;

Paul’s unceasing petition for the Colossian believers is aimed at their being filled with and growing in the knowledge of God’s will.

Paul then expands on this request and lets us know what this looks like:

10* That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God;
11* Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness;

In other words, as the believers were filled with this spiritual wisdom, this knowledge of God’s will, Paul prays they would:

Walk worthy. Live in such a way that God was glorified in them.
Be fruitful in good works.
Increase in their knowledge of God.
Be strengthened with spiritual power so they could be patient and suffer with joyfulness

To say this anther way, the Greek is structured like this in each section:

3-8 “I thank my God because of your…”

faith
love
hope,
etc.

9-14 “I never cease to pray and ask for…”

The knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and insight for the purpose of (so that you might)

Live worthy lives
Please him with everything
Bear fruit
Grow in knowledge
Be strengthened

As I have prayed this way over the past few weeks, my prayer life has changed. I focus less on the “health, wealth, and success” of others and more on the formation of Christ in them.

Are you praying this way too? What are you learning from it?

I know none of us subscribe to a “prosperity gospel,” but don’t most of our prayers for other people sound something like that? Ever sit through a church prayer meeting? Don’t most of the prayer requests you hear center on health, wealth, and success in the lives of the people we pray for?

D. A Carson once said about our prayer for ourselves and others:

“80 or 90 percent of our petitions ask God for good health, recovery from illness, safety on the road, a good job, success in exams, the emotional needs of our children, success in our mortgage application, and much more of the same.”

Is there a better way to pray for others?

I was recently studying in Colossians and was struck with the way Paul prayed for others. It sounded nothing like a typical trip down our (my) prayer list!

Col 1:3-14 is one prayer, which in the Greek is fixed in two complicated sentences. The first sentence starts in v.3 and ends at v.8. The second sentence starts at v.9 and ends at v.14.

Paul begins his prayer for others by giving thanks to God for others. He prays from a heart of gratitude toward God. The whole prayer essentially is saying is, “Thank you, Lord.”

He begins by saying:

3 We give thanks to God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, praying always for you,

Then Paul goes on to list all the aspects of his friends lives that he thanks God for:

-faith in Jesus Christ
-love for the saint
-blessed hope of heaven
-the gospel
-the fruit and growth of the gospel.

The heart of Paul’s prayer is thanksgiving to God for others. Can you see his heart grow closer to the Colossians as Paul thanks God for what is going on in their lives?

It is difficult to be hardhearted about people when we are thanking God for them in private. How would our hearts draw closer to God and others if sometimes we just worked down our prayer list and thanked God for what he is doing and has done in the lives of the people we pray for?

Did you also notice that Paul’s thanksgiving celebrates the eternal matters in the Colossians’ lives, rather than focusing on the short-term?

Paul never says, “I thank God because they won the Super Bowl. I thank God because they made A’s. I thank God because they got over the flu.” He was totally focused on things that mattered for eternity — faith, hope, love, and the gospel — not just the immediate concerns of the moment.

You will really see this come out in Part 2 of this series, as we dig into what Paul prayed for after he finished his “thanksgiving time.”

Today, Robert Lewis, taught about how tough men need to be able to express love for their wives and loved ones. Robert read a letter from a soldier in the Civil War that was written to his wife shortly before the soldier’s death at the Battle of Bull Run.

July the 14th, 1861
Washington D.C.

My very dear Sarah:

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days—perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more.

Our movement may be one of a few days duration and full of pleasure—and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine O God, be done. If it is necessary that I should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how strongly American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution. And I am willing—perfectly willing—to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt.

But, my dear wife, when I know that with my own joys I lay down nearly all of yours, and replace them in this life with cares and sorrows—when, after having eaten for long years the bitter fruit of orphanage myself, I must offer it as their only sustenance to my dear little children—is it weak or dishonorable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze, that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of country?

I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death—and I, suspicious that Death is creeping behind me with his fatal dart, am communing with God, my country, and thee.

I have sought most closely and diligently, and often in my breast, for a wrong motive in thus hazarding the happiness of those I loved and I could not find one. A pure love of my country and of the principles have often advocated before the people and “the name of honor that I love more than I fear death” have called upon me, and I have obeyed.

Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me—perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar—that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.

Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night—amidst your happiest scenes and gloomiest hours—always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.
Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for me, for we shall meet again.

As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a father’s love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue-eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him among the dimmest memories of his childhood. Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their characters. Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God’s blessing upon them. O Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.

Sullivan

You can read more about the letter here:
You can read more about Mens Fraternity here:

Our Men’s Fraternity local chapter meets at 6:30 AM on Tuesday at the DPS Headquarters in downtown Southlake. It is lead by Johnny Ballenger, a man with a passion for his children and who is committed to Authentic Manhood. You can read more about our local chapter by clicking here:

A practical approach

Discerning the difference between error and heresy is not the only issue we face, however. There are many non-fundamental issues on which we may sincerely disagree with other genuine believers. Some of those issues are quite significant. It stands to reason that we may feel more comfortable partnering with one group than another, depending on the type of work involved. How do we decide when it is appropriate to work together?

One framework already suggests itself, based on the comments above:

Group 1: This is heresy. No Godspeed. They are tampering with the Gospel.
Group 2: This is significant error. They are not enemies. We do, however, disagree on important issues.
Group 3: This is minor error. We have different standards. We differ in our application of certain texts.

A set of responses is implied by that framework:

Response 1: No interaction, cooperation, or fellowship.
Response 2: Not enemies. Kindness, limited cooperation on non-core projects.
Response 3: Friends. Cooperation on core projects.

A practical guideline for deciding whether a Fundamental Christian or church can fellowship and cooperate with another Christian individual or group would be to examine the prospective relationship and ask how close it comes to the mission of winning souls and planting churches. The closer a proposed relationship or project to evangelism and church planting, the greater discretion must be exercised.

If we are planting churches together, we need very close theological agreement. A team project that plans to distribute food and water to disaster victims, however, might be composed of believers who hold quite varied beliefs. Teamwork that intends to make disciples – baptizing and teaching – would need to have a high degree of agreement, even on non-essential doctrines. What will we teach them about the security of the believer and the perseverance of the saints? How will we practice baptism and the Lord’s Supper?

Ecclesiastical separation is an important issue for the church. We must be sure we do not compromise the Gospel, but we also must be careful that we do not dishonor our Lord by twisting the Scripture and displaying an arrogant, judgmental spirit. We must lift our eyes to see the fields that are “white unto harvest” and hear the call from Macedonia to “come over and help us.” Loyal to the revealed Word of God, passionate for the lost, willing to work in some way with any genuine Christian, we must forge ahead. This age has its share of skeptics who try to undermine confidence in God’s Word and the Christ to which it bears witness. The Bible, however, needs no defense, and one day every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Christ is Lord. In the meantime, we ought to join every willing, warm-hearted Christian in advancing our Lord’s kingdom while it is day, because “the night cometh, when no man can work.”

Download the entire series of posts as a PDF

Consider these words of Rice from his sermon “Christian Cooperation and Separation” preached in 1959:

Somebody says, “Here is a fellow wrong on baptism.” Well, that is too bad.  Bring him around and I will help straighten him out.  But meantime, is he born again?  Does he believe the Bible?  Does he love Jesus Christ?  If he does, then he is a brother and you are to receive him.

Now then, would you go along with people you differ with?  Yes, if the difference is on minor things, but not on whether the Bible is true, not on whether Christ is born of a virgin, not on whether the blood of Jesus paid for sins, not on whether Jesus rose again, not on whether you need to be born again.  On certain essentials about Christ, salvation, the Person and work of Christ, there is no room for difference, no room for co-operation when people differ on the main things. (p.93). 

Many in our modern-day Independent Baptist movement would find the above statements shocking! But I think our Baptist forefathers would find our modern attitude about Ecclesiastical Separation to be “shocking.” So what does a Biblical structure of “Ecclesiastical Separation” look like? The last post in this series will look at a sensible structure of cooperation going forward….

We must recognize the difference between heresy and error. We treat neither lightly, but we do not presume to treat brothers in Christ with whom we disagree about non-fundamentals the same way we separate ourselves from those who eviscerate the Gospel by denying its fundamental truths. Paul was very clear: There is to be no love lost with people who are perverting the Gospel and sending people to hell by their teaching. We do not have to be unkind, but those who pretend to be Christians yet are deceiving people about what is required for salvation, are to be anathema to us.

On the other hand, when we consider a brother who agrees with us about the fundamental truths of the Gospel, yet differs on other areas, we are not faced with heresy that leads unsuspecting souls into hell. Error is not heresy. I am fully convinced the Bible teaches what I believe and practice, but a brother’s tradition may differ. One day he may discover he was mistaken, but honestly so, or we may discover we both were mistaken.

My attitude toward him must not be like the attitude I hold toward a teacher of heresy. We must be discerning about the difference between error and heresy, and we must be careful to not use inflammatory terms about those with whom we only disagree on non-fundamentals. If we are confronting heresy, then we say “heretic” without hesitation. Error, however, is like a child getting a question wrong on a math quiz; another child who knew the right answer shouldn’t abuse him for being in error. The attitude of Ecclesiastical Separation is every bit as important as the doctrine’s substance. With heretics, there is no compromise. We turn them over to God; we certainly don’t preach with them. Our attitude about non-fundamental disagreements, however, must be entirely different.

Romans 14:1-10 is most helpful on this point. “Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind.” (v.5b) The believer in error is not my servant, but another’s: “Who art thou that judgest another man’s servant? to his own master he standeth or falleth.” (v.4) Not only is he another’s servant, but he also is my brother: “But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ.” (v.10) Paul clearly identifies the brother in error as “weak in the faith” but exhorts us to receive him, as long as he is not one determined to engage us in “doubtful disputations.” (v.1) Indeed, an argumentative spirit – whether it is mine or another’s – is a sign of carnality. Paul admonished the church at Corinth that the strife and divisions among them were evidence that they were walking as men, rather than following the example of Christ Jesus. (1 Corinthians 3:3)

We cannot, of course, engage in an exhaustive review of the relevant Scripture in this venue. We will, however, touch on texts that do speak to Ecclesiastical Separation and mention texts that are commonly misapplied. Not only is it important to understand what the Bible does say, but we also must recognize what it does not say and where it is twisted to mean things it does not mean.

One must, for example, take very seriously 2 Peter 2:1, which warns “there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction.” Second Corinthians 11:3-4 also is pertinent in warning about being “corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ” by those who “preacheth another Jesus … or another Gospel.” Second John 7-11 warns about “deceivers … who confess not that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh” and declares such a deceiver is “an antichrist.”

Scripture clearly commands us to condemn people who mess with or pervert the Gospel. There can be no equivocation about this:

Which is not another; but there be some that trouble you, and would pervert the gospel of Christ. But though we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel unto you than that which we have preached unto you, let him be accursed. As we said before, so say I now again, If any man preach any other gospel unto you than that ye have received, let him be accursed. (Galatians 1:7-9)

Charles Spurgeon said it like this,

A chasm is opening between men who believe their Bibles and the men who are prepared for an advance upon Scripture. The house is being robbed, its very walls are being digged down, but the good people who are in bed are too fond of the warmth, and too much afraid of getting broken heads, to go down stairs and meet the burglars . . . Inspiration and speculation cannot long abide in peace. Compromise there can be none. We cannot hold the inspiration of the Word, and yet reject it; we cannot believe in the atonement and deny it; we cannot hold the doctrine of the fall and yet talk of the evolution of spiritual life from human nature; we cannot recognize the punishment of the impenitent and yet indulge the ‘larger hope’. One way or the other we must go. Decision is the virtue of the hour.” (C.H.S., September 1887, The Sword and the Trowel)

On the other hand, some texts have been misapplied to argue for separation from Christians who differ in non-fundamental belief and practice. One could mention Ephesians 5:11 – “Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness…,” although in context the Apostle Paul is warning about unbelievers who have no “inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.” Also often misapplied is 2 Corinthians 6:14 – “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers…,” a passage in which Paul was exhorting believers recently delivered from paganism to not allow themselves to be drawn back into Corinth’s gross immorality. He wanted them to influence the pagans around them for the sake of Christ, without being influenced by them. Twisting the passage to mean that Christians ought to separate themselves from other believers with whom they do not completely agree is a distortion of God’s Word.

If you missed it. Ecclesiastical Separation, Part 1

We must adopt a biblical position that, in the spirit of Christ, steers us clear of heresy yet maintains the fellowship of the Faith that maximizes our impact on a lost world for the cause of Christ.

What is Ecclesiastical Separation?

We are discussing in this venue a church-level separation in ecclesiology. Although the individual’s personal separation from evil is essential, we are concerned here with defining proper relationships and interactions between New Testament churches and other groups or organizations that identify themselves as Christian. Those groups or organizations would range from other bona fide New Testament churches with which we would find ourselves in complete agreement, to other bodies of authentic faith that we find to be in error on important doctrines, to apostate “churches” that have abandoned the fundamentals of biblical truth.

Why is Ecclesiastical Separation important?

Failure to maintain an appropriate degree of ecclesiastical separation is a violation of Scripture. The dangers are twofold. On the one hand, failure to stand clearly for the essentials of the Gospel can only hinder the progress of the Gospel. We endanger the clear transmission of Gospel to next generation when we create a “camouflage Christianity” in which the “Gospel” is just another choice among many options. On the other hand, we can become consumed by endless arguments with other believers about doctrines that are not clearly enumerated in Scripture or about preferences based on our application of the Scripture. As a result, we fail to exhibit the Christ-like spirit by which a lost world recognizes us as God’s people.

There is another way in which an extra-biblical stance on Ecclesiastical Separation leads to a dangerous obscuring of the Gospel. If we insist Gospel partnerships can be formed only with those with whom we are in complete agreement on every issue, we will inevitably find ourselves working alone, separated from other Christians with whom we completely agree about the fundamentals of the faith. We are left unable to create any kind of network for the advance of the true Gospel because we differ over non-fundamentals. We lose influence on a lost world because we cannot join hands with brothers and sisters in Christ to attack challenges too large for us to tackle alone.

Some inevitably will point out that in the past cooperative efforts have often failed. We have seen brothers of fundamental conviction engage other Christian groups in an effort to draw them back from doctrinal error, only to fail. Failure, however, is not pertinent. What matters is obedience to the Bible’s commands. When inspired Scripture lays out the conditions that require us to separate ourselves from others, nothing else matters. My philosophy, my ideas, my success – or someone else’s failure – are irrelevant. The only question that matters is, “What does Scripture say?”